There has been a few questions about Bangkok over the past months. I have been there for quite some time now, and here are some notes on the city from an a.s.s. point of view. You will have to forgive me my broken English, and instead thank your God that I didn't write in my own language...
First, a non-standard disclaimer for those few of us whose brain is not in good working order. Hopefully it saves me from a few flames:
Yes, there are lots of exceptions to all things I mention below. Obvious ones, like there being no gogo girls in a gay bar, and less obvious ones, like that a few bars charge an entrance fee. I know that, and I am not trying to fool you, but I didn't want to try and write a book, either. Email me and I will elaborate for those of you who really plan to go down there - addresses, prices, customs, tips and ideas.
Yes, there is aids in Bangkok. And it is not to be taken lightly. I can only say that if you are as careful as you should be in New York or Washington, you will do alright in Bangkok too. Use the shower, use condoms, stay away from dope addicts, and so on. But also do remember that at least some of the things you have heard of Bangkok have been brought to you by courtesy of the Moral Majority, and they are no better doctors than the rest of us.
Yes, there is slavery in Bangkok. Some girls work against their will. Most don't, however, in the sense that they could just as easily have chosen other jobs. The "kept" girls are usually found in the short-time hotels - if this is a problem for you, simply stay away from the short-time hotels. Another way of handling this is, of course, to be gentle and gentlemanry and give the girl a good time whether she is a slave or not.
Yes, there is child prostitution. I have been offered 9-years-olds, and 14- years-olds are not uncommon. In a normal bar you will easily find at least some underage girls ( - 18).But while this does exist, please keep in mind that the average Thai girl looks younger than her Western counterpart. You will find many 20-years-olds looking at least five years younger. Here too, if child prostitution turns you off, be careful when you select your girl in a short-time hotel.
So much for the lengthy disclaimer. Now I have figured that the best way to do this is to give you a few Scenarios, and then stand at attention when some of you email or follow-up asking for more details. I cannot promise to deliver, but I'll do my best.
What do a.s.s. people want? Well, I suppose most of us want girls. Then some of us want men, and a select few of us want other things like ducks and sheep... I know what I want, however, so I'll be selfish enough to stay on the subject How To Get Girls. Sorry, but I do not know very much of the gay scene. There is a sheep farm near the airport, tho' :-)
You can go to a massage parlour. Then you will find yourself in a bar- or restaurant type of an establishment, where you can start the evening with some good food or a drink, if you wish. While you satisfy the demands of your stomach, you can look into an adjoining room, separated from the bar by a large glass wall. It is in fact a one-way mirror, meaning that those in the other room cannot see you. "Those in the other room" are girls; between ten and two hundred, depending on the establishment. Slowly and carefully you select the one(s) you want, then both of you walk up a floor to one of the bedrooms. The bedroom is usually rather luxurious, with huge mirrors, wall- to-wall carpeting, and always with a bathtub. There will also be an inflatable mattress propped up against a wall. You undress, the girl gives you a thorough bath and a relaxing massage. She then covers the mattress with soap lather and bids you to lie down on it. When you have done, she covers you with lather, from your neck down, and proceeds to scrub you. With herself! She will use her breasts, and her pubic hair - not her hands. If at any time you feel like doing anything else than just relaxing and getting scrubbed, you are free to do so; in fact, she will be very surprised if you try to keep your hands, and other parts of your body, off her. Almost anything goes, especially if you act like a gentleman..
You can visit a short-time hotel. Here, an attendant will notice that you arrive alone, and will show you to a room and ask you for your preferences. You tell him what you want and for how long you want it - you can usually choose between short-time which is up to one hour, full night which is until the next morning whatever the time may be now, and take-out which is a full night in the location of your choice. A group of girls, roughly corresponding with your wishes, are led into the room for your inspection. You pay the attendant, then withdraw to another room (or a cab) with your girl. The hotel girls are usually younger than most other "available" girls in Bangkok, 14- and 15-years-olds being rather common. They are in effect "owned" by the hotel, which means that you can treat them more or less any way you want - and many men do. Hotels like this should be like paradise for those of us who are into S&M.
You can go to a downstairs bar. There will perhaps be one or two gentle pushers at the entrance, but they do take no for an answer, and they are usually scantily clad lookers anyway, so you do not feel very pushed. Once inside, you are led to a table and asked for your order. You can spend a whole evening in the bar, just sipping beer or coke, listening to the music, watching the gogo dancing, chatting with the girls. When a girl notices that your glass is almost empty she will ask if you want one more, but it is okay to say no if you feel like it. Now and then (in the beginning) a dancer not currently on stage will approach you and ask if she may join you. If you say no, she will not be offended. If you say yes, she will sit down, and good manners dictate that you buy her a (cheap) drink. There will be ten to sixty girls in the bar, some dancing, some mingling with the crowd, some bartending. If anyone should strike your fancy, you either take eye contact with her or ask another girl to bring her to your table - in any event you will soon be sitting close together. Sooner or later there will be a question of her leaving the bar with you: you then pay a "bar fee", which is supposed to reimburse the bar owner for losing an employee for the remaining hours of the evening. You leave, and what happens after that is up to you. She will be in no doubt of your intentions, however, and will not disappoint you. In the morning (meaning around noon) she will say good bye - it is then customary to discreetly slip a little "gift", a banknote or two, in her handbag. You can go to an upstairs bar. Just read everything I have written about the downstairs bars, and pipe it through "ROWDY". This is where you get the topless dancing. This is where you get the bottomless dancing. This is where you get the live shows, the snake shows, the ping pong shows, the candle shows, the razorblade shows, the chopsticks shows, the banana shows, the blowpipe shows, the bottle opener shows... This is where every girl within reach of your hands is fair game for some groping and fondling. This is where sometimes you can get a blowjob in full public. Or screw the girl of your choice in a private room, or on the bar counter. The reason for this upstairs/downstairs division is this: Thailand has, believe it or not, tough obscenity laws - you are allowed to display far more skin in the American bible belt. Nipples are taboo, naked girls of course even more so. Still, most Bangkok policemen know where their income comes from, so they are not too keen on actually catching anyone in the act. So when it is razzia time, the doorman rings a warning bell, the policemen walk calmly and slowly up the stairs - and when they finally reach the top all the girls have had ample time to get into their baby dolls!
You can have dinner. This particular kind is available in three or four places, and the chefs are good in all of them. You select a companion much like you did in the massage parlour, and then you and your party (this is more fun if you are a group of people) retreat to a private dining room. There is a low table, and cushions on the floor instead of chairs. You order your food, it arrives, and the meal begins. It is a no-hands meal - meaning that you do not use your hands. Instead your girl will feed you, put the glass to your lips, wipe you with the napkin, in short do everything except chew the food for you. In the meantime, you are perfectly free and welcome to use your hands to find out how her breasts feel, or to discover that she has no panties on. It is quite common for the meal to end with the girls getting fucked on the table...before maybe ordering some take-away food to your own hotel room!
You can call an escort agency. Here is not so much to say, except that almost all escort girls do expect to get laid sometime during the date. You pay higher for local movie actresses (or "movie stars", as the ads say) and for foreign girls. Especially the latter. I once met an American girl who could prove that she had made a photo spread in Penthouse 1991 - she showed me the magazine, and it was her, down to the birth marks - and I could well understand Bob Guccione selecting her (so did I!). Foreign means usually Japanese or Latins; there are a few Westerners, but there seems to be no Negro girls. Thai racism (I am not moralizing, every country has some racism); Thais are just not too fond of Negros. Many escort agencies are simply bars, sending their girls to your hotel room instead of you coming to select them yourself. Unless you really want a white girl, or a Japanese, do go and select her yourself instead - cheaper, better selection, and more fun.
You can have a hamburger. I mention this to make the list more complete. Outside a specific hamburger restaurant is the best chance of finding guys selling very young girls - pre-teens. You strike contact with the guy, he asks you to meet him somewhere close in an hour, and will then bring one or two school girls for you to look over. This is a very discrete trade: he will not approach you, but will answer your questions. And if you talk with the wrong guy, he will usually know just who is the right one.
You can go to a coffee shop. There are a few notorious ones, but it must be said that most coffee shops are as "respectable" as any European cafeteria. Open nearly 24 hours a day. Almost empty in the daytime, packed with girls in the evening, doubly so after bar closing times. Treat them as singles bars, but with working girls. Worth visiting, even if you only want to feel the atmosphere. The one in Grace Hotel is special: this is an Arab hangout. The Grace girls are often - but far from always!! - heavily painted, rather fleshy matrons, which is presumably what the visiting sheiks wants. For various reasons Arabs are not so well seen in Thailand, especially among the girls, so there is a kind of "social barrier" between girls who consort with Arabs and those who do not. The approach pattern is the same as in the bars: smile at a girl, or offer her a drink, and you are halfway there. No bar fees, and the drinks are cheap.
You can go to an island. This is not really on the subject on How To Get Girls, but it is worth mentioning anyway. You and a buddy or two go to a beach resort, like Pattaya, or Phuket, or Koh Samet, and talk to any of the boat owners in the harbor. He agrees to meet you at a specified time the next day. Then you spend the evening storing up on good books, rented scuba gear, frisbees, things like that - and go bar hunting. There are bars, and there will be bar girls, and some of them will agree to join you the next day. Come the next day, your party (two or three guys, five or six girls, perhaps) transfers to the ship and is taken to one of the thousands of small paradise islands off the coast of Thailand. It will be deserted, maybe with a hut or a bungalow, but with no people at all. Then you agree with the skipper to come by every day with fresh food, and to pick you up again in a week. It is a great way of getting both a good tan, a good relaxation, and all your sexual fantasies fulfilled. Last time I did this, we quickly established a house rule that no girl was ever allowed to wear any piece of clothing except her sandals. That, plus our other rule that every girl had to in some appropriate way or another earn her food before every meal, turned the stay in a rather pleasant one, thank you.
And with that, I bid you good-bye!
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