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Amsterdam's Window Girls

Tips for Dealing with Amsterdam's Window Girls

After returning from a trip to Amsterdam in April, 1997, I wanted to share some tips and advice to readers to help avoid the many rip-offs that unfortunately await the unsuspecting tourists. While Amsterdam can be a sexual paradise -- I've had some fabulous fucks there that I will long remember -- it also has its fair share of rip-offs and con artists who are simply in business to swindle naive and unsuspecting tourists of their money. But I've learned through experience how to avoid them.

You may have heard the old saying: "When you assume you make an ass out of u and me!" It is certainly true for Amsterdam. The best way to protect yourself and your wallet is to be a skilled questioner and interviewer who asks the right questions and can detect the subtle nuances and signs that you are dealing with a rip-off artist.

(1)  When making arrangements with the window girls, question them at length as to the price they want and exactly what they will do in return. Always stipulate that you expect them to remove all their clothes and be totally nude for the price you are negotiating. Use a variety of descriptive terms -- nude, naked, undressed, -- anything to overcome any "misunderstanding attributed to a language barrier" and preempt any subsequent argument the girl may later claim that the price she quoted didn't include removing her top or other pieces of clothing. This will defeat one of the oldest ruses the window girls use: quote you one price for a sexual act then once you're inside and have turned over your cash, demand more money to remove all her clothing. This little ploy saved me some cash one night. I spotted an unusually attractive, well-built blonde working in a booth along the Oudezijds Achterburgwal across the canal from the Bananenbar. After questioning her, she admitted that she never removed her clothes for her customers. How the hell she managed to fuck is beyond me but I exited her booth immediately wallet intact.

(2)  Another observation I would share is to avoid window girls who display any outlandish, showy behavior -- such as dancing in the window, -- or any other activity to attract attention. Any girl who engages in outlandish, showy behavior usually has a bad reputation and very few repeat customers. The window girls that are truly worth the price of admission feel no compulsion to make a spectacle of themselves or attract attention. They are confident in themsleves and their sexual attractiveness and will sit demurely in the window like any other confident businesswoman with a long list of satisfied customers. Remember the rip-off girls are desperate for customers! They prey on unsuspecting tourists and display all sorts of outlandish behavior to insinuate they're hot stuff and entice the naive into their cabin whereupon the unsuspecting tourist will get taken.

The folling is a list of tips, observations and suggestions on how to avoid the rip-off artists:

(3) The rip-off artist will never smile while speaking to you since she already has formulated a hostile attitude toward all customers. Remember she regards you as a tourist to be fleeced and has absolutely no intention whatsoever of pleasing you. She will avoid making eye contact, and will never look you directly in the eye while speaking to you. She will answer your questions with terse, one-sentence responses spoken in an arrogant, condescending tone of voice. Her attitude and demeanor will be sullen and grim since she has already anticipated an unpleasant, negative outcome of her encounter with you. She knows all too well from experience that once the customer realizes he has been fleeced, an argument will quickly ensue possibly with the threat of physical violence. Her defensive attitude at the outset of your encounter will be readily apparent.

(4)  While speaking to her at the doorway of her cabin, check to see if there is a full glass of water within her reach. Some window girls will throw a glass of water at customers they regard as annoying or a nuisance. That glass of water speaks volumes as to the attitude the girl has toward customers and the degree of civility she has towards people in general.

(5) Say something funny or amusing. Any other girl who wanted to curry your favor will respond with a smile or laughter. But the rip-off artists will react as though you just farted and will telegraph her disapproval by her facial expressions.

(6) The rip-off artist will be totally anti-social. She will not ask you any questions or say anything to maintain the conversation. She will act as though she is doing you a big favor by tolerating you and will act bored and annoyed that you're taking up her time. While speaking to you through the door, she will frequently turn her head and glance through the window to see if there are any other suckers lining up to be fleeced. Since she has no intention of pleasing you sexually and earning the money, she will want to get rid of you as soon as possible. If she abruptly ends her conversation with you to speak to some other guy standing behind you, consider yourself lucky. Her rudeness toward you is a pretty good indication of her attitude toward you and all her customers -- she couldn't care less about them and sure as shit doesn't give a damn about pleasing them sexually. She realizes from the outset she will never have repeat customers so why bother with customer service. She is there simply to fleece unsuspecting tourists of their money.

(7) Before handing over any money demand the following: (a) get her to agree to remove all her clothing and work totally nude; (b) inform her that you will fondle her as you please; (c) discuss specific sex acts and the postions you want her to assume; (d) agree upon a specific amount of time to be spent having sex -- she can undress and dress on her own time; and the total amount she is to be paid; and (e) also, annonce you have a watch and that you will be the timekeeper. Declare the starting time and the finish time per the agreement. The con artist will become annoyed because you are defusing her ruse. Her chief weapon is ambiguity! Once you're inside and she has your money, she will claim that she never agreed to your touching her breasts or a host of other things which you may have assumed were part of the deal.

(8)  If you detect the slightest hint of bitchiness or arrogance, keep your wallet in your pants and head for the door. It is the duty and responsibility of the window girls to get you off, and that precludes having a bitchy attitidue. If she wants to have a bitchy attitude, she should marry some schmuck and make his life a hell on earth and leave the rest of us alone. Just remember, the legitimate window girls will not be bothered by your questioning. They want satisfied customers because satisfied customers are repeat customers. The rip-off girls, however, realize they will never see a repeat customer and will act annoyed and bothered by customers who ask questions and insist upon a mutual agreement as to what is to occur before forking over any guilders.

(9)  If you ever encounter a window girl who acts as though she's doing you a big favor by speaking to you, avoid at all costs, literally. She's not worth your time or money.

(10) Be weary of the window girls who work in the high-profile windows along the canals where the main routes of tourist pedestrian traffic are. The rip-off artists have to work the main flow and ebb of tourist traffic because they prey upon the unsuspecting and have no established clientele among the local Amsterdamers. Their lack of an established customer base prohibits them from working in a cabin along the many side streets where the quality window girls can always depend upon repeat local business. Notwithstanding the local customer base, the quality hookers realize that serious, determined window shoppers will seek out the side streets and that satisfied tourist customers will seek them out for a return session during their stay.

(11) Remember the going rate for a fuck is 50 guilders and 100 guilders for a fuck & suck. Realistically however, I've always taken the position that if you want the girl to remove all her clothing, and put out the effort to please you, expect to pay 100 guilders for approximately 20-30 minutes. That comes out to $55 U.S. dollars to fuck an attractive young woman in a variety of positions. When you consider that most stateside nude clubs will charge $20-$25 for a lap dance, it's a bargain. If a girl quotes you a higher price than 100 guilders for everything for a 20-30 minute session, especially the ones in the high-profile windows along the main tourist/ pedestrian walkways adjoining the canals, take a hike and find another girl. She's betting that you're a naive tourist who doesn't know any better and will fleece you for as much as she can get. With that type of predatorily attitude towards customers, you can safely assume the sex will be lousy and she will end the session abruptly so that she can fleece the next unassuming tourist that comes along.

(12)  Always take your time and observe your surroundings before approaching a window girl. Remember the quality girls are always in demand and will not have to sit for long in her window before another customer engages her and the curtain is drawn. Word gets around quickly as to what girls are worth it. Likewise, be suspicious of window girls who are obviously more attractive than the other girls in the area but who sit for long periods of time in their windows with no takers. Something is wrong with them and it's not worth your time and money to learn the hard way as to why she has no customers.

(13)  If you spot a girl that interests you, why not conduct a stakeout of her window. Wait for a guy to enter her cabin, note the time, then come back 15 minutes later and wait for the guy to emerge. You can get a pretty good indication as to how the session went by the way they exchange good byes and the expression on the guy's face. What the hell! Why not approach him and ask how it went. If she's a great lay, he'll probably tell you. Likewise, if she's a bad experience he'll tell you. If you come back 15 minutes later and she's already sitting in the window, you know it didn't go very well.

I'm attaching descriptions of two girls who are known cheaters. One is little rip-off artist who claims she never removes her clothing for customers and the second is a bitch who should be avoided at all costs. Under the heading for Amsterdam, take a look at the comments under "Bits and Pieces" and read the comments submitted by the Englishman on March 4, 1997. Towards the end of his submission he has some very negative comments about a tall blonde who I am sure is the same bitch I'm referring to. This bitch will agree to have intercourse, take your money, then deny that she ever agreed to have sex with you. Incidentally, the bitch in question was forewarned that her antics would get her some very bad publicity on the Internet.

Bitch #1. Uses the alias "Iggy", stands about 6 feet tall in knee length black boots, usually dresses in black, has long, bleached blonde hair which she is constantly brushing while in the window, has breast implants, a slightly upturned nose, and tan complexion. Usually works in one of the second-floor windows along the Oudejijds Achterburgwal a few doors down from the Casa Roosa. Has also been seen working in one of the cabins in the enclosed building at the far end of the Bull Dog Coffee Shop at O.Z. Voorgurgwal 90. and next to the topless bar La Vie En Rose behind the Oude Kerk (Dutch for old church).

Bitch #2. About 5'6" tall, blonde hair which she wears in a braid on top of her head, busty, wears a white bra and panties, and usually works in a ground-floor cabin along the Oudezijds Achterburgwal across the canal from the Moulin Rouge and Bananenbar. Had the nerve to ask for 175 guilders for a fuck with her clothes left on.

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